Have you ever had something keep nagging at you . . .

I was with our esteemed Captain of the Blog when he discovered the extremely reasonably priced caskets at Costco.

I mean sure, the price was great, and you can pick up a tray or two of snacks for after the funeral, and maybe a bag of ice and some pop for the graveyard service, but how do you buy the damned casket!?

Do they have them in the back or do you preorder? If you preorder, how long does it take for delivery? Because every time I've seen someone need to buy a casket, there was usually an immediate need to put something in it.

Do they deliver or do you have to pull the van up to the loading dock?

You see how problematic this is getting.

Furthermore, every funeral I've been involved in arranging (NOT a fun job) has started with going to a funeral director. Those people have a tendancy to be like restaurants. You don't get to buy a steak at Costco and ask the restaurant to cook it.

So that makes me think that if you start down the do-it-yourself road, you'll have to go the entire trip, and my embalming skills are just not what they ought to be.

Feeling Small

It's highly problematic to feel so small. I watched tonight the whole Aggressive Mediocrity in full swing. I learned there's nothing I can do to stop it. The wheels of stupidity keep rolling like an out of control train. People try to duck and weave but it just smacks them up side the head.

I can't fix chaos.....

OK, now I don't know who to slap.

This is a followup to my post of yesterday where I mentioned that George Bush had used the phrase, "Well Mandela's dead because Saddam Hussein killed all the Mandelas" when talking about why a resistance leader was never able to be a uniting force in Iraq against Saddam Hussein.

I said in that post that I thought his phrasing was unfortunate because it might mislead people about the condition of Nelson Mandela.

Well, it did. It mislead lots of people. So many people that the Nelson Mandela Foundation found it necessary to issue a press release telling everyone that Nelson Mandela is still alive.

Although you can place the blame on both the speaker and the listeners, I think ultimately I'm going to blame the President, for two reasons:

1) I always blame the President when he's named George Bush.

2) While many of those reading this blog are obviously intelligent and literate people, this speech was televised all over the world, including rural African villiages with a rudimentary understanding of American phraseology. It appears to have caused a panic in some areas, resulting in many phonecalls to the Nelson Mandela Foundation. It would have been worse, but not many of those rural African villiages have phones.

There was speculation back in 2003 that the President had a wireless microphone in his collar so that his handlers could give him answers to difficult questions (OK, any questions). At this point I think they'd like to give him one of those things they use to keep dogs in the yard. Every time it looked like he was going to get himself in trouble, they could give him a zap.

They probably won't do it, though. They'd have to zap him so much that the news media would be convinced that he had nerve damage.

George W Bush doesn't care about children

WHAT!?!?! How can that be?? Yeah it's true. Ever hear about the Chip Program? I'll enlighten you.

The Children's Health Insurance Program (CHIP) is designed for families who earn too much money to qualify for Medicaid, yet cannot afford to buy private insurance for their children. CHIP coverage provides eligible children with coverage for a full range of health services including regular checkups, immunizations, prescription drugs, lab tests, X-rays, hospital visits and more.

Recently a budget was put together that is supported across party lines. It will add 35 million making it possible for 4 million more children to be eligible for insurance. So lets spell this out. Sick kids need treatment. Treatment costs money, and their parents don't have it. It seems like a no brainer. These kids can't go get a job that will give them insurance. I mean you can't get major medical working on a paper route. Do they even have paper routes anymore?? I got a crisp five dollar bill for anyone who guesses what the prez wants to do........VETO IT!!!!! He believes that this program will stop people from getting insurance from private insurance companies. You know the people who add to his already large bank account

When the ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future visit him; I hope they kick him in the balls. Kids are the one thing that most people can agree need help. How many times have we heard "come on it's for the kids"? I fall for it all the time. If we've learned anything this week from OJ Simpson is what goes around comes around. Like I said when it comes around I hope it hits him in the balls. It's a little immature I know, but then again so is the President

George Bush, champion of mediocraty

The President of the United States has long shown his disdain for education. In the past seven years he has joked a number of times about how a "C" student (him) is the boss of a large number of PhD's. He did it again today. In his press briefing today he brought up Condolezza Rice's PhD, but reminded the crowd, "just look at who's the president and who's the decider."

I haven't decided yet if this is a point of pride for the President, or if he has a bit of an inferiority complex. Either way, I wish he'd put those "C" student skills to use now and then and read up a bit on current history, or at least have his briefers do it. He later commented that he had heard someone ask about Iraq, "Where's Mandela?" He went on to say that "Mandela is dead because Saddam Hussein killed all the Mandela's."

If I give him the benefit of the doubt (which we've all been doing far too much over the course of his presidency), I think he's asking why there aren't any great resistance leaders like Mandela in Iraq. He then answers his own question by saying that Saddam Hussein killed them all. The other way to look at this statement is that George Bush has made another stupid statement because Mandela is currently alive.

No, I've thought about it some more, and either way it's stupid. The second is the most obvious, but even the first was a dumb thing to say, because there are resistance leaders in Iraq, many who resisted Hussein for decades, and now continue their fight by resisting us. The problem for George Bush is that he doesn't like any of those people. Most of them want to have a government based around priciples that he doesn't like (and in fact scared him enough to cause him to invade Iraq). But even the more moderate ones want a government that doesn't have the United States as a partner.

George W. Bush is afraid of monsters under his bed

President Bush said Wednesday that a law hastily passed in August to temporarily give the government more power to eavesdrop without warrants on foreign terror suspects must be made permanent and expanded. What is with this guy? I know Daddy was the head of the CIA, but does he think it's like the movies. George Sr. was having covert meetings with hot French spies. Running through the streets like in The Bourne Identity? He is so hell bent on hearing what everyone is talking about on the phone. This is what I find to be Highly Problematic. Does he really think that these people are just gonna pick up the phone, dial their secret terrorist headquarters, and start gabbing like teen age girls about the next terror target? Really? It all comes down to one thing for him. We are smart and they are dumb.

"The threat from al Qaida is not going to expire in 135 days," he said, "so I call on Congress to make the Protect America Act permanent." You know what? It might. All this hardcore shit started when you took office. Bill Clinton was a blow job getting, jew loving liberal.( God I miss Bill, it was more like having Billy D Williams as president, instead of Gomer Pyle) They didn't blow up the Twin Towers on his watch. So these problems might go away when he leaves office. What won't go away is the stains on The Constitution, because George like to use it as a bib when he eats ribs.

OMG, Halle Berry is Pregnant

I was thinking. It hurt. I was thinking about the nature of the sheeple in America. It got me to thinking about the mess that is “Hollywood” and everything that goes along with it. For a long time, I’ve noticed how Hollywood’s big actors & actresses nearly always had some groundbreaking news that always seemed to coincide with the release of a new movie or show. But, of course, Hollywood is not the only industry that pulls a similar stunt; the music industry is guilty of this (notice the news that comes out when a musician has a new album coming out), heck, our government, too. The government is always ready to whip up a small scandal to direct our eyes from the big one.

What I notice most is the marriage/divorce/pregnancy rate among those in the entertainment industry. I’m telling you, the target demographic in this country sure loves to know when their favorite stars tie the knot, are back on the market or are getting a baby bump. I got to thinking, and I don’t think you all know where I’m going with this, is this staged? How much control does the Hollywood machine have over its talent? Do these individuals have free will, or does the machine tell them that it would help their career if they got married to their co-star? Does the machine TELL them who and when to marry, and when to have children? If the machine plans it, our sheeple eat it up. I can almost hear a yuppie say the line “ooh, Jenna Fischer just got divorced, we have GOT to see that new movie that she’s in”

I don’t follow the target demo, for I don’t consider myself part of the sheeple audience. If I hear a movie is good or funny, I watch it. It troubles me, though, and I find it Highly Problematic that such a suggestion about our entertainment biz can conceivably be reality.

Aggressive Mediocrity part 2 and Discount coffins

I had a lot of quippy statements for this blog. Unfortunately I watched Rock of Love before sitting down to write it so I'm afraid my IQ has been temporarily lowered. So I've been asked by actually a couple people what I mean when I use the phrase "aggressive mediocrity". AM as we'll call it, is when someone who is mediocre drags you down to their level. Not saying these people mean to do it, but I've always seen mediocrity as a virus. You can catch it a number of ways: 1. By hanging around someone mediocre 2. Dumbing things down for those mediocre people around you 3. It can I believe be transmitted sexually. Now how do we fight this epidemic you ask? By not only thinking you deserve the best, but actually actively seeking it out.

I sit here writing this thinking about all the times I myself have been a victim of AM. Some close to me may believe I am suffering from it now. No more I say. The one eyed man is King in the land of blind men. It is our duty as exceptional people to force ourselves to acquire the best. "But it's so hard" It is supposed to be hard. Nothing good comes easy. Those who are the lucky ones who blindly stumble on to what they want, are in for a surprise when the luck runs out. If you are comfortable sitting in a chair that just so happens to be in an annoying room; do you stay? Or do you get up and go somewhere less annoying.

It isn't going to be easy but we need to search out greatness. Rome is burning, do you sit and watch it? No! Either get a bucket of water or find somewhere else to live. Life is too short. I'd rather be happy now. Look around you. Is there someone who feels how you do? Talk to them, ask them how they deal. Who knows the answers might be right in front of your face.

Alright already enough preaching! Shut the fuck up Patrick. Get to the problematic part.
I found out today you can go to your local Cost co and buy a coffin. $800.00's. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? I have questions: 1. Are they in the stock room? 2. Who the hell would buy a coffin at Cost co?3. Can you get them in packs of 6? I mean really! Could you imagine the wake!?!?! That's a nice coffin you picked out. Yeah I was also able to grab the food for the wake, it totally saved me a trip. Cost co your one stop funeral headquarters. I echo once again WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?!?!?

Time can pass slowly, things always change

I don’t have much to say. Just reflecting how the perception of the passage of time is relative. The funny thing is, that time always moves at the same rate. 1 second per second. 1 minute per minute and so on. It just seems odd how on some days you can get a ton of stuff done and say “time passed quickly”, and another day get a ton of stuff done and feel completely wiped because “time just dragged”. I can’t think of a day in recent memory where I was able to just relax for a full day, regardless of the relative rate of passage of time. You know, just fuck around and do nothing. I suppose that’s how parents feel. Yeah.

September 11th

I'm not going to leave a blog saying how we should all remember 9-11. We all remember it. We know where we were, how everyone was reacting when it happened. I am going to ask that people stop politicizing it. Six years later and are we really any safer?? Ummm well two buildings haven't been destroyed by planes in six years so yeah our record seems to be holding. Rudy Gulliani wants us all to think back to 9-11. Hell he wants us all to think about it everyday. We can think back to how his leadership was a shinning beacon to all those people who were so very frightened.

Realistically anyone who had their shit together that day is going to look good. Anyone can look like a leader when you are surrounded by people actually helping. That day solidified his impending presidential run. How many of his advisers were imagining themselves walking through the gates of 1600 Pennsylvania that day. So today he goes to all the memorials, gives all the interviews, and reminds us all how he saved the day. Well guess what Rudy. You didn't save shit. Saving the day would mean all of those people would not be dead.

Hillary you aren't off the hook. You are also attending this memorial as a photo op and it's wrong. Remember this day as the day that we senselessly lost American lives. For it was the starting pistol that set the Iraq war in motion so that we could senselessly lose more American lives. So 6 years later we may be safer from terrorists. The thing we really need to look out for are the politicians.

Terrorism is the boogey man under your bed. If you turn out the lights he magically appears and gets you. Don't let your guard down for a second. Live in fear. Watch your back. Don't trust anyone. Inform on people who look like they are doing things that are suspicious. Inform on those who don't agree with the government. Sign this pledge to do whatever we tell you. Here throw these books in the fire they preach terrorism.Those people are going away because they hate freedom. Those people are going somewhere where they can't hurt your children. Don't worry you'll never see them again. Do as your told and you will be safe. Resistance is futile. Give me your arm I want to put a bar code on you.

Just getting you all ready for the future.

Mediocre Aspirations

As the summer turns to fall and the weather starts to match my mood, I begin to write more often. I've noticed more and more that people settle too often. Guys who just want someone to be their girlfriend settle thereby getting the girl involved when they are not. The girl settles for this aggressively mediocre guy who will accompany them on their long way up to the middle. Where is it written that to aspire for greatness is a crazy idea. Why can't we just hold off on purchasing a car until we've shopped around.

The days get shorter the sun sets earlier leaving the world dark and gray like my hopes for those who can't see what's in front of them. I find myself getting more and more aggressive, hoping to push my need for greater things onto others. I fall short. The people I care about are used and abused by people who i'm sure in their heads mean well. In the long run it all comes down to wasted time. Time spent pretending to care. Time spent arguing and fighting to keep something going that was never meant to be in the first fucking place.

Oh and I haven't forgotten time spent blogging my thoughts as if anyone really cares what I have to say. I don't pretend to be a relationship expert. I do know if you want to quit drinking, talking to someone who's never had the problem is useless. How does one teach to overcome if they have never experienced the problem. So no, I am not an expert. I have been involved in some pretty fucked up relationships. Some were fixed, most weren't. I don't know it's all highly problematic.

Money grubbing bastards

I wanted to do a whole thing welcoming Johnny Bourbon to to blog but he jumped the gun and started posting....so welcome Johnny. That being said lets get to work shall we?? I have many things that are problematic for you all. Girlfriend and boyfriend crap, stupid people doing stupid shit. Unfortunately the President of the United States has dwarfed everything with his bone head comments. Which ones??? I know there are a ton. Well most recently the self proclaimed boy King of America was remarking in a interview about his plans after he gets out of office. People are dying in a war he started and he's already checked out like a Senior in May

The New York Times on Sunday published excerpts from interviews with Bush for a book by Robert Draper to be published."I’ll give some speeches, just to replenish the ol’ coffers.” “I don’t know what my dad gets, it’s more than fifty to seventy-five thousand dollars a speech, and Clinton’s making a lot of money".

What a miserable bastard. People want to hear what Clinton has to say because he's a great speaker and he was a great president. The same sort of goes for his Dad. As for George he will go down in history as the worst President we've ever had and I hope he doesn't make dime one.

And the award for most pompous emo band goes to...

When I started thinking about this blog, I was going to break format and give MTV some credit. I changed my mind. As the Video Music Awards are fast approaching, it got me to think how much our lives depended on the modern popular music and associated music videos. Our generation was exposed to film-like music videos from bands as diverse as the Beastie Boys, Guns N Roses, Peter Gabriel, The Smashing Pumpkins and Bjork. It’s my generation’s general opinion that MTV doesn’t even show music videos anymore, and concentrates on its advertising cows such as their prime-time reality shows. I give MTV credit though, for turning the 80s and 90s into a new playground where music was able to be consumed visually as well as audibly. I certainly wouldn’t be the person that I am now without MTV in my childhood and teenage years.

Who’s to say that MTV’s departure from a music-only format is a bad thing? After all, the music video generation is grown and has moved on to smarter forms of afternoon and evening television entertainment. Just like MTV was fitting for our generation, but, not so good for us now…so have sitcoms, dramas and cartoons went through their life cycle, for reasons including their fan-base growing up or getting sick of it. The list is endless, but I can almost guarantee that Pearl Jam’s “Jeremy” video, an episode of “Night Court”, an episode of "L.A. Law" and an episode of "Thundercats" (without Snarf of course) can still entertain us in ways that many modern shows cannot. You see, we’ve aged ourselves out of the modern MTV demographic, and that’s not the thing that I find Highly Problematic.

What I do find Highly Problematic, is the drivel that is on the air during primetime on MTV. What are the children and teenagers watching? The Hills. Drivel. The Real World. Has become Drivel. Made. Terrible. America’s Next Top Model. Drivel. Of all of the prime time shows, I’ve only had the stomach to watch one: My Super Sweet Sixteen. Drivel doesn’t even sum it up. Try spoiled, spoiled, bratty, spoiled, whiney, yuppie children getting whatever they want. What are we teaching our children that is OK? I just hope that the powers-that-be don’t decide to market the “stupid spoiled whore video playset” and can’t keep it on the shelves at Toys R’Us at Christmastime.

What, me? Grow up? You must be kidding!

I’ve realized something recently. Growing up is hard to do. I suppose that I’m ahead of the curve, learning curve or otherwise, in respect to others my age. I have a starter marriage out of the way, so obviously I was married and divorced before most of the guys I know have knocked out one of those two milestones. Now, I’m living a happy life on the east side with my girlfriend and two kids. Getting kids up for school and getting them on a school bus is not exactly what I expected from myself a year ago. It’s good though, it’s just not the easiest thing to get used to.

I’ve had a theory that life catches up to you. You grow up. People generally do that. Whether marriage comes at 18 or 30, it’s almost inevitable that you find “the one”. And because “the one” can oftentimes be a myth, divorce is just as inevitable these days. But, logically, as you get older, you grow farther from your friends, get married, have kids, send them to college, retire, and die (the last of which is the only guarantee in life). Most people join the club and most people go the same route.

What I’ve found to be highly problematic, is when I suggest that others will “join the club”, I receive the response, “oh not him/her, they’ll never grow up”. Looking for examples of this in my generation seems to be too easy. The dreamers, the yuppies, the professionals, all fit into the category of “me first”. I haven’t been in that group, so it’s a bit harder for me to relate. Regardless of if I can relate well or not, I’d like to think that eventually their biological clock will need the companionship of a spouse and/or kids. I’d like to think so.